Category: Language and Culture
Hi all.
Being on this site made me think sometimes and i will share these thoughts with you and you can tell me what you think.
A lot of people on this site write huggs to each other. My question is do you mean it? I mean if the person was next to you would you really give them a hugg?
Also we see that girls send huggs to each other or to boys but boys only send huggs to girls. Why is that? Why is it so strange for a boy to give a hugg to another boy?
I personally don't send huggs online or give them if i am with friends but if i was i would do it to both my male and female friends.
And finally you can share what is going on in your country about that.
For example people kiss each other when they didn't see them for long time but i would say that women do it more. They also kiss at birthdays, Christmas and Easter.
In England only old people seam to kiss each other but younger people don't do anything even if they didn't sea each other for long time.
So what is the situation in America and other countries?
It would be interesting to read.
To answer the question about same sex hugs between boys. Its simple, you need to be very confident and self assured to admit being gay outside of a gay site, due to abuse ect. Sadly many people on the net are the complete opposite, and hide their sexuality to avoid abuse.
Hi Goblin.
Maybe i didn't understand very well what you said because English is not my first language. But why boys have to be gay if they give huggs to each other? Girls do it and nobody says they are lesbians. So i don't understand this theory lol.
No but the idiots will assume they are gay in Vietnam unrelated men hold hands as a sign of friendship and trust, but the americans assmued they were gay and abused them. Any close contact between same sex couples, can be mistaken as a sign of being gay lesbian ect.
Not hey don't have to be gay, but how many guys do you see here giving hugs to each other on the posts, they would rather die than do that.
I agree, I think some societies think differently of guys showing affection to another guy than they do of a girl showing affection to another girl. I think They think that since girls are naturally nurturing (and therefore affectionate), that it would be OK for a girl to hug or kiss other girls in friendship. But if they did that back to a guy, it might seem like they're interested in that guy as more than friends. I'm not sure about why guys might be OK with showing affection to a guy, but I know that they don't do that with other guys because of what Goblin mentioned, the whole being gay thing. That's how a lot of society sees it I think, so some people might feel uncomfortable acting differently from that because they don't want to be thought of as something they're not.
I agree to
As for meaning it, I usually don't type any actions/expressions I wouldn't do in real life. For instance, if I would smile, laugh, or be upset at somethingin real life, I would type that out and therefore express that while chatting. Also, if I don't know how I would act when I haven't met someone in person, I won't hug them because although I might be cool with talking to them, I'm not sure whether or not I would hug them in real life. My way of showing that I'm glad to see someone (online) is to smile and/or use an exclamation mark when saying hi. This doesn't mean that when I don't do that, that I am not happy to see someone; I might be tired at the moment or the other person might just say, "hi." which doesn't sound happy or anything but just plain.
Oops. Where I said, "I'm not sure about why guys might be OK with showing affection to a guy,, I meant, "to a girl." Sorry. *smile*
This is an interesting question.
As for people kissing each other when they see each other, in Britain we generally don't, not unless it's really close family, or for some people friends. I never kiss my friends, only my family. I just don't feel comfortable with it. When I was studying in France it was weird, because I never knew if someone was going to kiss me as a welcome or not, sometimes they did, sometimes they didn't. But it was the hole thing of not seeing where they were so I couldn't obviously go up to them and kiss them on both cheeks. Another thing we do in Britain that in France they don't do, girls will hug each other when they see each other, or girls might hug boys and vice a versa, but in France this apparently is considered too personal. For me, I'd much rather give someone a hug than kiss them on the cheek, or as in France and the majority of Europe it's both cheeks.
Nycos, excellent question. From what I've seen, I think it's pretty much the same everywhere. I was born and raised here in California where so many different cultures come together, and from what I've seen it's pretty much the same for everyone. How much or how often or how genuinely a person shows outward affection doesn't depend on his or her culture; I think it depends more on how the parents raise their children. If you were to ask two asian adults here in the US about this same thing, you wouldn't get the same answer. One would probably tell you that he prefers to be kept at arm's length, and the other would probably tell you that he prefers to be treated with warm hospitality. I personally prefer to be kept at arm's length because I guess that's just how I've always been treated. And I wouldn't want to receive anything from a man that comes close to resembling the affection from a woman. Affection from a woman, nope, I can't imagine myself resisting it. lol But I admit that there have been times when I hugged a male friend because I was happy to see him, even though we both jokingly brushed it off.
I can give you a good comparison; here in the US, if you go to a relatives house for some holiday or special occasion, you'd be received with a hospitality that can not even be noticed. You'll get a wave from your male cousin as he sits on the couch, or if you're lucky, you'll find him at the door close enough for a mechanical handshake. lol It's just the way males are conditioned here in the US. I speak for myself though as I'm pretty sure other guys from
different cultures on this site have had a totally different experience.
On the other hand, I've visited relatives in Mexico and the way they welcome people into their homes is totally different to how I've seen it done here in the US. And I'm not pointing out here how I myself was welcomed into their homes, I'm talking about how my Mexican relatives welcomed each other. My cousins over there hugged each other, squeezed each other on the shoulders, shook hands longer than one second, just put it this way: they weren't afraid of germs. lol It really says something when relatives who see each other on a regular basis still hug or kiss one another with genuine affection. But I'm pretty sure every country is the same; some like being embraced and kissed, others don't. And of course you have that one timid relative who stands out from the rest because he or she doesn't like being noticed.
I've seen too that some people do this out of habit, and it doesn't mean anything to them. I'm reminded here of that passage in the bible where Jesus says something about vomiting out christians whose love for him is lukewarm, neither hot nor cold. I know I'm taking that passage out of context but still it applies a little here. I mean, if you hug someone out of impulse and not because you really want to, then it makes you look very bad. You're better off just acting on your true feelings.
I think that when you see people sending hugs and kisses to each other here on the zone, the majority of them do not really mean it. Most of the users here are complete strangers and really don't have a good idea of what the person they're sending a hug or kiss to is like. I don't say hi or send hugs or kisses to anybody here publicly; if I have something to say to that person directly, I say it through a private quick note. I don't think it's wrong though, I mean, it's just a couple of letters typed out on a stupid computer screen. But who knows, maybe this really does mean something to those who receive hugs and kisses. As for me, I don't really care. I really hate it when hugs and kisses are sent through publicly for the purpose of that flirting crap that goes on a lot here. Do the people who do that really get turned on or what? Pathetic!
Males hugging each other is something that was okay in the past. But nowadays we have gay and lesbian activists fighting publicly for their rights, which is something that didn't happen before and was kept in the closet. and I guess that now, as they've come out into the open and are more out-spoken about their sexual orientation, the straight people see them hugging and kissing each other and don't want to resemble homosexual behavior in any way. I mean, I remember the first time I saw homosexuals kissing or holding handss, I immediately thought it was wrong because since a baby I'd always seen my mom and dad kissing or hugging in an affectionate way. I know that you're not talking about this kind of affection, but still I think this has something to do with why males don't tend to hug or kiss each other. Well I guess I've said enough.
Thanks everyone. Your posts are very interesting.
I enjoyed reading the different oppinions.
I kiss my friends all the time, especially my girls. If I won't be seeing them for awhile or I am just really close to them, I'll kiss them and hug them and I do mean it. I don't do that to people I don't know that well, except my guy friends. Don't want them to think anything. I'm usually very effectionate with my girlfriends then my guy friends because I don't know how they will react? I was about to kiss this guy friend on the cheek the other day because we hardly see each other, but i'm scared he'll think I like him or something? An yeah...I hink I'm like that because that's how I was raised but the funny thing is that I'm not to effectionate with much family. I know though hat I don't give hugs on here unless I would do it in person.
i'm friendly, but not overly so. i don't hug people publicly, and if i hug them in private qn's, i'd make sure i'd do it in real life.